The Reasoning
I'm not out to get you.
I'm not here to make you miserable. I'm not here to make you feel oppressed, or small, and I don't look for ways to take the wind from your sails.
I make roughly 8,000 decisions a day, give or take, and I only let you in on maybe 4 or 5 of them. From the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep (and sometimes even while I sleep) I am weighing options and considering every angle and praying for wisdom.
I have never, ever thought to myself, "which option will tick you off the most?" and picked it, not once.
And I never will.
I think about the time of day, what you've had to eat, how much sleep you've had, how many minutes you've spent in front of a screen, how many words on a page you've read, if you've been outside enough, if you've been outside too much, your helpfulness, your honesty, your interests, your influences, your influence, your heart. I think about who I know you to be, and who God is growing you to be. And I think about these things with every single decision I make, every single day, all day long, for you. For your sisters, for your brothers, for myself.
And for our family.
I say take a nap not because I don't want you around me, but because I can see in your eyes that you're exhausted, and you love life too much to take a breather for yourself, you still need me to tell you to (and sometimes I still need people to tell me to, too).
I tell you to turn the screen off not because I think it's funny when you miss the ending or lose your place in whatever survival mode you're in, but because you are brilliant in so many other ways, and I want you to exercise all those other beautiful non-screen ways.
I tell you you can't go somewhere not to keep you from having fun, but because I want you with me. I LOVE having you with me. I really, truly enjoy you. (Maybe I don't tell you that enough?) The years, months, days, hours, minutes are going by at lightening speed and I know you want to go go go, but I need you stay, not every time, but every now and then, just for a little while longer.
I tell you to clean your room not because I don't want to do it (though that miiiiiiiiiight be part of it) but because someday you're going to have your own room, in your own home, and you need to know how to pick up after yourself.
I say no to buying every single thing you want not because I enjoy watching you writhe in agony over the longing of another thing (that's called greed, by the way), but because I want to teach you how to wait for things. How it's okay to not get everything you want, and it's good (and Biblical) to be satisfied with all that you've already so graciously been given.
I tell you all of these things, and so many more, because, well, I know this is a given and super cliche, but I love you.
I love you.
I love you so much I stay awake at night praying I'm not somehow ruining your life.
I tell you yes a lot of times, and I'm awesome and the best mom ever and super fun, but really - you know this better than anyone else- I say no more than I say yes. It's a bummer. But that's just kind of the stage of life you're in. You still need me. You won't for too much longer, (you probably think you don't need me now) but humor me a bit and try, please try, to understand that every decision I make is for your good. It's for your best! Because I love you.
And I love our family.
And because one day the Creator chose to make me think beyond myself when he brought your dad into my life. My world got a little bit bigger. Then we had kids, and it got A LOT bigger. And then, Jesus Christ changed my life, and my entire perspective of why, and how, I do everything completely changed. I completely changed. And my love for you, for our family, and my desire for your best GREW!
So you have to trust me, you must. I promise I'm not here for any malintent, though it must seem that way at times (just like it did when my parents were in charge of me, I'm sure) I promise I'm not. And you won't get it until your older, and I try to remind myself of that often, but one day, Lord willing, you will get it.
That's all I got, little one, that's all I know to say. I can't make you understand my reasoning behind every little detail of every decision I make, but my prayer is that I can help you understand the God who put me in the position to make such decisions in your life. My desire to do right by God supersedes any protest you conceive and deliver. And my love supersedes it too.
I love you, sweet child. I love you because HE loves me, that's the best reasoning there will ever be.
I'm not here to make you miserable. I'm not here to make you feel oppressed, or small, and I don't look for ways to take the wind from your sails.
I make roughly 8,000 decisions a day, give or take, and I only let you in on maybe 4 or 5 of them. From the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep (and sometimes even while I sleep) I am weighing options and considering every angle and praying for wisdom.
I have never, ever thought to myself, "which option will tick you off the most?" and picked it, not once.
And I never will.
I think about the time of day, what you've had to eat, how much sleep you've had, how many minutes you've spent in front of a screen, how many words on a page you've read, if you've been outside enough, if you've been outside too much, your helpfulness, your honesty, your interests, your influences, your influence, your heart. I think about who I know you to be, and who God is growing you to be. And I think about these things with every single decision I make, every single day, all day long, for you. For your sisters, for your brothers, for myself.
And for our family.
I say take a nap not because I don't want you around me, but because I can see in your eyes that you're exhausted, and you love life too much to take a breather for yourself, you still need me to tell you to (and sometimes I still need people to tell me to, too).
I tell you to turn the screen off not because I think it's funny when you miss the ending or lose your place in whatever survival mode you're in, but because you are brilliant in so many other ways, and I want you to exercise all those other beautiful non-screen ways.
I tell you you can't go somewhere not to keep you from having fun, but because I want you with me. I LOVE having you with me. I really, truly enjoy you. (Maybe I don't tell you that enough?) The years, months, days, hours, minutes are going by at lightening speed and I know you want to go go go, but I need you stay, not every time, but every now and then, just for a little while longer.
I tell you to clean your room not because I don't want to do it (though that miiiiiiiiiight be part of it) but because someday you're going to have your own room, in your own home, and you need to know how to pick up after yourself.
I say no to buying every single thing you want not because I enjoy watching you writhe in agony over the longing of another thing (that's called greed, by the way), but because I want to teach you how to wait for things. How it's okay to not get everything you want, and it's good (and Biblical) to be satisfied with all that you've already so graciously been given.
I tell you all of these things, and so many more, because, well, I know this is a given and super cliche, but I love you.
I love you.
I love you so much I stay awake at night praying I'm not somehow ruining your life.
I tell you yes a lot of times, and I'm awesome and the best mom ever and super fun, but really - you know this better than anyone else- I say no more than I say yes. It's a bummer. But that's just kind of the stage of life you're in. You still need me. You won't for too much longer, (you probably think you don't need me now) but humor me a bit and try, please try, to understand that every decision I make is for your good. It's for your best! Because I love you.
And I love our family.
And because one day the Creator chose to make me think beyond myself when he brought your dad into my life. My world got a little bit bigger. Then we had kids, and it got A LOT bigger. And then, Jesus Christ changed my life, and my entire perspective of why, and how, I do everything completely changed. I completely changed. And my love for you, for our family, and my desire for your best GREW!
So you have to trust me, you must. I promise I'm not here for any malintent, though it must seem that way at times (just like it did when my parents were in charge of me, I'm sure) I promise I'm not. And you won't get it until your older, and I try to remind myself of that often, but one day, Lord willing, you will get it.
That's all I got, little one, that's all I know to say. I can't make you understand my reasoning behind every little detail of every decision I make, but my prayer is that I can help you understand the God who put me in the position to make such decisions in your life. My desire to do right by God supersedes any protest you conceive and deliver. And my love supersedes it too.
I love you, sweet child. I love you because HE loves me, that's the best reasoning there will ever be.
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