Oh the Bliss!

I was hanging out with a sweet first time mom and her baby girl not long ago, and if there is anything I love to do it is hang out with first time moms. I LOVE it!! I love it because, for an hour or two, I live vicariously through them and swoon with envy because there is nothing like your first baby . It is an insanely precious time, and as many kids as I have I will always look back at those first two years with Ben and hold them tightly because that time, when it's just you and the baby for hours and hours and hours each day, you never get that time again if you have more kids. Obviously I'm a fan of having more than one child, but, *insert huge sigh*, those only child days were priceless. They were also mind-blowingly terrifying. Because I knew nothing. Zilch. I had a rough idea of some things, but to actually apply them to a real live, breathing, moving, potentially  screaming  kid was a whole different story. Oh but when they're babies you get to love on 

Man she'd love you. She'd get the biggest kick out of you! We all do, we think you're hilarious! Just tonight, we were sitting around the dinner table and you did something super funny and we all cracked up and you gave me this smile, oh brother it was to. die. for. And I thought to myself, man, she'd really love you. I think about her, your birth mom, every now and then. More now than then, truthfully. I think about what she's doing right now, if she's still living around here, if she's okay. Not long ago we were driving through the city where she was living last and I looked around at every single face I saw searching for hers. I bet one day you'll do that. I wonder if we'll both do that, forever? You're growing up really fast, lightening speed. THREE different people at church this weekend commented on how much you've grown. You're still really little to me, and I like that. :) Sometimes people will ask how it's going

I'm not out to get you. I'm not here to make you miserable. I'm not here to make you feel oppressed, or small, and I don't look for ways to take the wind from your sails. I make roughly 8,000 decisions a day, give or take, and I only let you in on maybe 4 or 5 of them. From the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep (and sometimes even  while  I sleep) I am weighing options and considering every angle and praying for wisdom. I have never, ever thought to myself, "which option will tick you off the most?" and picked it, not once. And I never will.  I think about the time of day, what you've had to eat, how much sleep you've had, how many minutes you've spent in front of a screen, how many words on a page you've read, if you've been outside enough, if you've been outside too much, your helpfulness, your honesty, your interests, your influences, your influence , your heart. I think about who I know you to be, and who God is gro

Last weekend my parents took the babies all day while the rest of us went to Disneyland, and when I came home that evening the EPIC amount of laundry that was spilling out of the laundry room had all been washed and folded. All of it. It was how I figured I'd be spending my Sunday, but instead I got to play in the pool with the kids and rest with the family. A few days ago my mother-in-law spent the night at our house and watched the younger four kids the next day so that I could go on a field trip with Ben and his class at school. I had SUCH a great time with him at the Creation Institute , I was so thankful to be there! Again, when I came home all of the laundry out of every room in the house had been washed and folded. All of it . I was gearing up to spend my afternoon and evening making trips to and from the laundry room, but it was done, and I was able to make dinner and rest with Mark that evening. Mark, my favorite person in the whole world, works very hard doin

I'm not really a Gospel sharer... as hard as that is to admit. My husband is, he's incredible. The stories he can tell about the total strangers he has shared the Good News with and prayed with... he's like an undercover Billy Graham. (That might be a slight exaggeration, but he has a gift, that's for sure).  I, on the other hand, have no gift. I think it's because I kind of fall under the banner of "living my life so they see Jesus" which counts as sharing the gospel, no? No. Over the last few months I've felt this pressure, a burden if you will. Like this is it, you know? The earth isn't getting any younger.  Then the whole thing with the "blood moon" and then Easter and all of the sudden I am thinking WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME CHRISTIANS! Let me go back a few years... We started going to this church where the pastor preached the Bible. I mean REALLY preached the Bible. Nothing fancy, no artistry, no fuzzy feelings, just the Wo

I am acutely aware that our second go with foster care has gone incredibly smooth. We got an infant - everyone's dream. He has been extremely easy, always been a great sleeper and eater, has no residual effects from the 9 months he spent in his birth-mom's womb. He's happy,  healthy (though he's had more colds than I can count), follows directions and if all that weren't enough the boy's been pooping on the potty since he was 4 months old! So yeah, we'd be considered an ideal story, I'd say. But that doesn't mean the road has always been easy, for me especially. There are many times when I tiptoe toward (and completely fall over) the edge of frustration and annoyance , "why does he have to act this way, none of the other kids ever acted like this." , which leads to doubt, " Would I be this annoyed if one of my biological children were doing this?", which leads to guilt, " I can't believe I singled him out because he'

One Christmas decoration didn't make it into the attic this year. It's not even in the garage. I just couldn't bring myself to put it away. I needed it close. I needed to see it everyday, multiple times. I needed to be reminded that just because the season is over the reason is not. Jesus was born. He brought life, everlasting. Satisfaction. He brought light. Truth. He brought joy These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.  John 15:11 and he didn't take it away. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope . Romans 15:13 When December is over, and the world stops debating whether we can or cannot say "Christmas", or if Jesus really is the reason for the season, and all the lights come down and a pressing darkness threatens at every turn I must remember that Jesus never filled and then depleted. When we live

…when you're SEVEN!

It was the night before Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve Eve, if you will. While some of the kids were playing others were trying to get out of  Dodge with the baby. In an effort to actually protect Norah, by removing her from the crazy, the sweet thang tripped and Norah fell, hard. Her cry was strange, one we hadn't heard before. And nursing didn't comfort her. So off to the ER we went, and thus began our 24 hour adventure. First praise : Mark's parents were here staying with us through Christmas, so we were able to both go to the hospital! We thought it was sprained, or maybe dislocated, so our jaws dropped when the X-rays came back showing a broken femur. A broken femur!! I thought baby's bones were made out of rubber? Not so, my friends, not so. They hadn't ruled out her needing surgery, so they wouldn't let me nurse her. NO BUENO. Then they told us the hospital we were at didn't do children's bone settings and casts, she needed to go to CH