My Heart

(Troy and Mia are my favorites too, but I feel like I just posted about how Tman is my fave (Remember? I said that I'd choose him if there's an earthquake...) and Mia is kind of a given anyway. I intend on writing proper blogs about each of them, just not right at the moment. But I do love them. Dearly.) Onto the regularly scheduled program. (PS. I think that was the first time in my entire life that I spelled 'scheduled' correctly on the first try. I'm so proud!)

Lately I've been feeling a little "poor me" -ish. I don't even know if that's the right way to put it, because I'm not sitting here throwing daily pity parties or anything. But I will say that there is an obvious battle going on for the well being of the condition of my heart. I feel it everyday. Temptation to be jealous. To be bitter. Angry even. I feel the battle for my attitude when my husband calls and says he's going to be a little late coming home from his job. His job that he loves, that he thrives in and that supports our family and his employees. A job that challenges him in a good way. I am so thankful for his job, and yet lately I've been having to prayerfully choose to be supportive.

I feel the battle for my attitude when my kids are all asking me for things at the same time and I can't even think straight or complete a thought - let alone a conversation with anyone, even God. There is a war being waged over my response to them. Will I show patience and love and joy? Or will I fail the moment and snap? There are battles all around me, every moment. I can feel it.
Just tonight I sat and listened to a lady talking about a conversation she had with her son and I literally thought to myself, "I want to be in this moment with her and be excited with her but what I really feel is jealous that she actually had time to have an entire conversation with her one child, and she remembers it." I really thought that.

Praise God I do not operate on my own! Left on my own I would be a pile of pitiful mush. But I have not been left on my own. The very moment I gave my life to Christ I gave up all sense of "self" and replaced me with Him. There is such comfort to me in this truth, that the battle has been won! Though the enemy fights on and on, and at times can claim a moment, he will not claim victory over me ever. Never ever.

Psalm 91:11 says, "For he will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone."

There are a lot of stones in my life right now and I don't know about you, but I am SO thankful that the God of the universe loves me enough to command his angels to guard me and lift me up so I will not strike my foot against one of them. Thank you Lord!

Comments

Wendy said…
what a great post. Girl you are not alone. Praise God, for keeping all of us from being piles of pitiful mush.
10:58 PM
Wendy said…
One more thing... you inspire me every day. Your heart for your children, love for the people you know and care for even those you just meet, your respect and honoring of your husband and all of these things you show to your King every day. I know you did not write this post looking for praise or maybe even encouragement... But I hope you feel praise and encouragement. XOXO
11:05 PM
Unknown said…
I can't imagine mothering 4 children. You are pouring everything out and I hope that you get some time to be poured into. I don't even know if that's what you are thinking about but while praying for you that is what's on my heart for you and your family. I'm praying that God will pour peace into your days and rest in your nights. I pray that YOU will have time even if it's only 5 mins all to yourself.
10:04 PM
Candie said…
i will be praying for you and your precious family. thank you for sharing those difficult inner thought.
11:54 PM
Anonymous said…
thank you for this post my friend! Such a huge encouragement to my soul...love love love this verse! going to bed now thinking, "my hope is: God in me!" Praise Him!! I can rest!! Love you. praying for you. Love, Taylore
12:01 AM
Leslie @ top of the page said…
Hi Sarah! I'm Lolly's red head friend, remember? I came across your blog since I was reading Karen Y's blog today. I knew that link must have been you. I can't believe how long you've been blogging! I just started a couple months ago: www.topofthepagewithleslie.blogspot.com. Don't know much about what I'm doing yet. Just writing what's on my mind. BTW, had to comment b/c God gave me this exact verse the very next night during one major battle I was in. I'm holding onto it. Enjoyed my visit here! Your fam and kids are so adorable.
9:25 PM
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