A Thought on Foster Care
I am acutely aware that our second go with foster care has gone incredibly smooth. We got an infant - everyone's dream. He has been extremely easy, always been a great sleeper and eater, has no residual effects from the 9 months he spent in his birth-mom's womb. He's happy, healthy (though he's had more colds than I can count), follows directions and if all that weren't enough the boy's been pooping on the potty since he was 4 months old! So yeah, we'd be considered an ideal story, I'd say.
But that doesn't mean the road has always been easy, for me especially. There are many times when I tiptoe toward (and completely fall over) the edge of frustration and annoyance, "why does he have to act this way, none of the other kids ever acted like this.", which leads to doubt, "Would I be this annoyed if one of my biological children were doing this?", which leads to guilt, "I can't believe I singled him out because he's not biological." and on and on it goes. There are deeper places I can fall to still, places the enemy just loves for me to get to. Where I DO think it'd be so much easier had we never done this, where I DO wonder if I treat him the same way I've treated my other babies, where I DO fear the future and what that will look like for our relationship as mother and son. Yes the enemy loves it when it get to those places because in those moments, as brief and infrequent as they are, he's won. Anger, doubt, guilt, fear... all places Satan thrives.
When you see me and you think, "gosh she's so calm, she's so relaxed, so happy . . ." the only, ONLY reason is because there is lasting victory in Jesus Christ. That's it. There is no other way to take back those moments the enemy has stolen than to claim the blood of Jesus and His victory over dark places.
I fail all the time, daily really, by choosing to strain my eyes to see the crimson stains of sin when Jesus has already washed them white as snow. The times when I can revel in His grace (something I'm STILL learning how to do) are the times I can rest and rejoice and be thankful in all circumstances, and it does not come naturally for me - just ask Mark, or my kids, or my friends that I text nearly every day asking for prayer.
Even when I live with Christ as King, and trusting his sovereignty, life is still hard. It does not negate the fact that I am consumed with challenges. Foster care is one of the most difficult situations one can choose to be in. I think that's what makes it so hard at times, that underlining thought of, "Well we chose this, what did we expect?" Sure, you expect pain when you're about to deliver a baby but you don't understand the severity of it until you're in the moment going through it. Foster care is like childbirth of the soul. Even the easiest of labors still have moments of extreme pain, same is true of foster care.
If you know a foster family treat them like they just had a baby. Bring meals, don't ask, just bring. Take their foster kids for a couple of hours so the parents can check in and connect with their biological kids. A lot of times bio-kids feel emotions they don't know how to articulate. They think they're supposed be happy about their new sibling (?) but really, the foster kid came out of nowhere and is here for a questionable amount of time, and takes their parents away for 3-4 hours two times a week (for visitations -which bio kids aren't allowed to attend), so that's a huge need. Offer babysitting. If you have daughters that are old enough to babysit send them over for free - consider it a ministry expense. PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY. Find out what days visitations are and set your alarms to pray before, during and after those times. Visitations can reek havoc on foster kids, and consequently foster families. When we had Nico he'd wake up screaming every night after a visitation. Pray for them.
Most importantly, remind them, remind me, that Christ has the ultimate victory and His light is brighter than the darkness the enemy tries so hide us in.
But that doesn't mean the road has always been easy, for me especially. There are many times when I tiptoe toward (and completely fall over) the edge of frustration and annoyance, "why does he have to act this way, none of the other kids ever acted like this.", which leads to doubt, "Would I be this annoyed if one of my biological children were doing this?", which leads to guilt, "I can't believe I singled him out because he's not biological." and on and on it goes. There are deeper places I can fall to still, places the enemy just loves for me to get to. Where I DO think it'd be so much easier had we never done this, where I DO wonder if I treat him the same way I've treated my other babies, where I DO fear the future and what that will look like for our relationship as mother and son. Yes the enemy loves it when it get to those places because in those moments, as brief and infrequent as they are, he's won. Anger, doubt, guilt, fear... all places Satan thrives.
When you see me and you think, "gosh she's so calm, she's so relaxed, so happy . . ." the only, ONLY reason is because there is lasting victory in Jesus Christ. That's it. There is no other way to take back those moments the enemy has stolen than to claim the blood of Jesus and His victory over dark places.
I fail all the time, daily really, by choosing to strain my eyes to see the crimson stains of sin when Jesus has already washed them white as snow. The times when I can revel in His grace (something I'm STILL learning how to do) are the times I can rest and rejoice and be thankful in all circumstances, and it does not come naturally for me - just ask Mark, or my kids, or my friends that I text nearly every day asking for prayer.
Even when I live with Christ as King, and trusting his sovereignty, life is still hard. It does not negate the fact that I am consumed with challenges. Foster care is one of the most difficult situations one can choose to be in. I think that's what makes it so hard at times, that underlining thought of, "Well we chose this, what did we expect?" Sure, you expect pain when you're about to deliver a baby but you don't understand the severity of it until you're in the moment going through it. Foster care is like childbirth of the soul. Even the easiest of labors still have moments of extreme pain, same is true of foster care.
If you know a foster family treat them like they just had a baby. Bring meals, don't ask, just bring. Take their foster kids for a couple of hours so the parents can check in and connect with their biological kids. A lot of times bio-kids feel emotions they don't know how to articulate. They think they're supposed be happy about their new sibling (?) but really, the foster kid came out of nowhere and is here for a questionable amount of time, and takes their parents away for 3-4 hours two times a week (for visitations -which bio kids aren't allowed to attend), so that's a huge need. Offer babysitting. If you have daughters that are old enough to babysit send them over for free - consider it a ministry expense. PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY. Find out what days visitations are and set your alarms to pray before, during and after those times. Visitations can reek havoc on foster kids, and consequently foster families. When we had Nico he'd wake up screaming every night after a visitation. Pray for them.
Most importantly, remind them, remind me, that Christ has the ultimate victory and His light is brighter than the darkness the enemy tries so hide us in.
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