Searching
A couple weekends ago my daughter was in our church's Christmas musical, she was the adorable one. :) Anyway... The first thing she (and every other child to grace a stage in the history of EVER) does when she walks out and takes her place is search. I could see her twinkling eyes squinting in the bright lights trying to find me in the crowd. In the herd of 7-12 year olds it took me all of 2 seconds to find her, but she couldn't see me, so I did what any loving parent would do and I waved like a maniac... no shame, people, no shame... but she never saw me. She sang all the songs, did all the motions and played her part beautifully, but every chance she got I could see her still looking. And the split seconds of disappointment when she really thought I wasn't there? I saw those too. So many people, so many lights, so many distractions, I was RIGHT THERE, but she just couldn't find me.Where WERE you?? She hugged my waist afterward.
I was here... I saw the whole thing. I know you couldn't see me for awhile, but I saw you. I never took my eyes off of you.
(Know where I'm going with this?)
Sometimes, during Christmas, I feel like I'm searching, squinting and straining, whispering to myself, where IS he??
With the crowds and the lights and the distractions I find myself going through the motions all the while wondering if he's here. I've been told he is, I believe he is... but where IS he?
Jesus.
Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek his face continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11
I wish I could pick him out of a crowd and run up to him and grab his waist. But in this messy life I've nearly forgotten how to find him. And the temptation is to feel like maybe he's not there at all.
"that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us." Acts 17:27
Jesus.
We hang our lights and put up our (gigantic) tree and wrap our (crazy amounts of) gifts and I look for him everywhere.
"Call to me and I will answer you..." Jeremiah 33:3
Jesus.
What if he's right there in front of me and I can't see him? What if I sing the songs about his miraculous birth, and read the books and recite the poetry all about his coming, and just can't find him?
"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13
Not gonna lie, it's been a week. You know what I mean when I say that right? Like it's been a WEEK. And every second of the day the kids are PUMPED that it's almost Christmas and I am trying to be there in that with them but I am finding myself longing to be quiet on a couch, reading his word, praying that I can find him.
"the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you..."
Deuteronomy 31:8
I'm just going to put this out there, seeking Jesus with all of my heart can be hard sometimes. I have these distractions that get in the way. And recognizing him hasn't been as easy as it has been when life wasn't so . . . lively. But it's Christmas. CHRISTMAS! If there is ever a time to bruise my knees in fervent repentance, ridding myself of the distractions so my eyes can be ready to see my King, so my heart can seek him wholly, it's now. And I am SO READY to strain and strive and push through the crowds and find his face with great expectations of hearing him say,
I was here... I saw the whole thing. I know you couldn't see me for awhile, but I saw you. I never took my eyes off of you.
"... You who seek God, let your heart revive." Psalm 29:32
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