Hey Husbands
Your wife is awesome. AWE. SOME. She works really, really hard. She thinks about a thousand things per minute - and maybe she tells you about too many of them- but for reals, she's amazing and you need to act on that.
Thank her for working. Whether it's in the home, or away from the home, the lady works. My guess is if she's tired, she's legitimately tired because wearing a trillion hats everyday is tiring. You wear a trillion hats too, so lean into that with her, and thank her for working.
She is trying... all the time... trying to be what you want, what her kids want, what her friends want, what the world wants... all the while scraping cobwebs off the person she wanted to be and fervently praying that she's the person GOD wants her to be. It's a lot, man, a lot. Recognize the efforts she goes to to be there for you and for the family. Or, maybe she doesn't put forth effort, maybe it's been years since you've felt like she's been there for you - I am not downplaying that. But don't give up on her, please don't. Look for the effort, any effort. Search it out and focus on that. Sing her praises when you see how she's giving and sacrificing. Even if it's tiny and seemingly insignificant... sing those praises loud because she IS trying.
Thank her for having your babies. No seriously, whether she's Mom of the Year or baaaaaaarely holding it together, that woman has felt things you can't even DREAM of feeling, good and bad, disgusting and sweet, you can't even imagine. And thank your adoptive mamas too. Goodness they have felt all the labor pains, maybe not physically (actually, some totally have pains during the adoption process... but that's another post...) but FOR SURE emotionally. Thank them.
Pray for her. Pray that people who love God and speak truth surround her. Pray that her friends would see her weaknesses and lovingly build her up. Pray that she finds her identity in Christ, not in you. Not in your kids. Not in her work. In Christ. Take a backseat to him and let him do his thing because God knows her. And when she doesn't make any sense to you and you've had it - HE GETS IT. He knows her. Pray for her.
Forgive her.
Forgive her.
Forgive her.
Forgive her for being annoying, and needy, and emotional, and disrespectful, and uninterested, and uninteresting. Forgive her every single morning and every single night, as many days and months and years in a row that you need to because the girl ain't perfect and she never was and she never will be. Forgive her like it is your first date and she says something insanely stupid and you just laugh because it's your first date and everything she does is adorable. Forgive her because you, my friend, are nowhere near perfect, and you never have been, and you never will be. Forgive her because when you were a total fool, God still picked you up, and forgave you, and then told you do to do the same. Forgive her without expectation. Forgive her.
That wife of yours, holy cow, she's beautiful. Totally looks different than when you met her, no beating around that bush. But don't you think, if you take into consideration the joys and tears, and passion, and sacrifice -on both your parts- don't you think she might be more beautiful now than ever? Even just a little? Lemme tell you, she might not act like she cares what you think but you hold the life and breath of her self esteem. You are her magic mirror. Ladies, we know what makes a woman beautiful, but to hear your man tell you that you're beautiful - that he's proud to walk into a room with you on his arm... No women's lib movement can ever tarnish that feeling. And fellas, you're not the spitting image of when she first met you either, so let's just keep that in mind, shall we? But LOOK AT HER... Yes, she was gifted to you with a lifetime of imperfections but you don't have to see those every second of every day. You can see the beauty. Zoom in on that. Her eyes that knocked you off your feet. Her smile that melted you. Her laugh, her brain, her heart that kept you awake at night... Change the past tense to present tense and see this woman.
Dear husbands, you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, I get that. Right now might not look like what you think it should, what you thought it would, and you might need a minute to fix your view. Please do, please fix it. And then look and see your hard working, striving, childrearing, imperfect, brilliant, beautiful, amazing wife and act on that.
And wives... LET HIM SEE YOU.
**This is not intended to make light of marriages that are in need of more than a pep-talk letter, nor am I assuming this nudge can fix the depth of damage that many live with. I'm in your corner, I am rooting for you, and there are FAR greater resources than this measly post if you're in need of true help.
Thank her for working. Whether it's in the home, or away from the home, the lady works. My guess is if she's tired, she's legitimately tired because wearing a trillion hats everyday is tiring. You wear a trillion hats too, so lean into that with her, and thank her for working.
She is trying... all the time... trying to be what you want, what her kids want, what her friends want, what the world wants... all the while scraping cobwebs off the person she wanted to be and fervently praying that she's the person GOD wants her to be. It's a lot, man, a lot. Recognize the efforts she goes to to be there for you and for the family. Or, maybe she doesn't put forth effort, maybe it's been years since you've felt like she's been there for you - I am not downplaying that. But don't give up on her, please don't. Look for the effort, any effort. Search it out and focus on that. Sing her praises when you see how she's giving and sacrificing. Even if it's tiny and seemingly insignificant... sing those praises loud because she IS trying.
Thank her for having your babies. No seriously, whether she's Mom of the Year or baaaaaaarely holding it together, that woman has felt things you can't even DREAM of feeling, good and bad, disgusting and sweet, you can't even imagine. And thank your adoptive mamas too. Goodness they have felt all the labor pains, maybe not physically (actually, some totally have pains during the adoption process... but that's another post...) but FOR SURE emotionally. Thank them.
Pray for her. Pray that people who love God and speak truth surround her. Pray that her friends would see her weaknesses and lovingly build her up. Pray that she finds her identity in Christ, not in you. Not in your kids. Not in her work. In Christ. Take a backseat to him and let him do his thing because God knows her. And when she doesn't make any sense to you and you've had it - HE GETS IT. He knows her. Pray for her.
Forgive her.
Forgive her.
Forgive her.
Forgive her for being annoying, and needy, and emotional, and disrespectful, and uninterested, and uninteresting. Forgive her every single morning and every single night, as many days and months and years in a row that you need to because the girl ain't perfect and she never was and she never will be. Forgive her like it is your first date and she says something insanely stupid and you just laugh because it's your first date and everything she does is adorable. Forgive her because you, my friend, are nowhere near perfect, and you never have been, and you never will be. Forgive her because when you were a total fool, God still picked you up, and forgave you, and then told you do to do the same. Forgive her without expectation. Forgive her.
That wife of yours, holy cow, she's beautiful. Totally looks different than when you met her, no beating around that bush. But don't you think, if you take into consideration the joys and tears, and passion, and sacrifice -on both your parts- don't you think she might be more beautiful now than ever? Even just a little? Lemme tell you, she might not act like she cares what you think but you hold the life and breath of her self esteem. You are her magic mirror. Ladies, we know what makes a woman beautiful, but to hear your man tell you that you're beautiful - that he's proud to walk into a room with you on his arm... No women's lib movement can ever tarnish that feeling. And fellas, you're not the spitting image of when she first met you either, so let's just keep that in mind, shall we? But LOOK AT HER... Yes, she was gifted to you with a lifetime of imperfections but you don't have to see those every second of every day. You can see the beauty. Zoom in on that. Her eyes that knocked you off your feet. Her smile that melted you. Her laugh, her brain, her heart that kept you awake at night... Change the past tense to present tense and see this woman.
Dear husbands, you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, I get that. Right now might not look like what you think it should, what you thought it would, and you might need a minute to fix your view. Please do, please fix it. And then look and see your hard working, striving, childrearing, imperfect, brilliant, beautiful, amazing wife and act on that.
And wives... LET HIM SEE YOU.
**This is not intended to make light of marriages that are in need of more than a pep-talk letter, nor am I assuming this nudge can fix the depth of damage that many live with. I'm in your corner, I am rooting for you, and there are FAR greater resources than this measly post if you're in need of true help.
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