Supporting Supporters
Adoption talk is everywhere these days... Almost everyone knows people who have adopted, are adopting, are thinking about adopting. Celebrities are doing it. It's kinda "in", and it's a little tempting to think, "Geez, enough with adoption, it's SOOOOOOO trendy." Blah blah blah... I get that. But if the church (people, not building) want to hop on a bandwagon then finding a more necessary one is hard to come by.
Every now and then I post a way that we can all help out, but when my beloved friend Karen made a list on her blog of ways we can support adopting families I really wanted to post it here. karen is a mother of three, her youngest bean was adopted from Ethiopia, so she knows the realities of adopting. As one of my nearest and dearest friends goes through this process I find myself reading this list and seeing how I can help my lovely Coulombe family. (In fact, Tay, maybe you shouldn't read this as it will give all my upcoming moves away.) :-)
Here are Karen's thoughts...
"1. Mail a card with a nice handwritten note of congratulations--virtually free, loving, supportive, a beautiful gesture.
2. Buy a onsie, booties, hairbow, baseball glove, or photo frame and leave it on the porch or deliver it in person with a celebratory note.
3. Have your children draw a new family photo for the expectant family--my neighbor did this for me and I put that picture on display during our process and it made me so happy whenever I looked at it.
4. Pray for them a lot, and let them know you are praying. This is SO encouraging and SO needed. There is an insane amount of warfare surrounding adoption.
5. Bring them a meal and/or comfort food "just because."
6. Listen. When they tell you fears, listen and nod. When they say its hard, listen and nod. It doesn't mean they regret adopting, it means they are growing in trust and are choosing to be vulnerable with you, including you in their worries. If you try to talk them out of these fears or make them feel bad for having fears, they'll probably still have fears, except have no safe place in which to share them.
7. Throw a shower or offer to donate to their adoption expenses. The reality is, adoption costs anywhere from $10,000 to $30,000 (and in some cases $40,000). Yes, we chose to spend and invest our money this way, but that is a heck of a lot of money that most adoptive families don't even come close to having.
8. Give a date night. The adoption process can have peaks and valleys, and if you notice your friend is in a valley, offer to watch her other kids so she can have a night of FUN with her hubby.
9. Distract her. Take her out, look at art, enjoy a speaker, watch a movie, read a book, help her pass the time as she waits.
10. Text, Email, Call. The worst that will happen is she wont pick up or reply. The best outcome is you pursued her and she knows it and feels loved and supported.
11. Believe. Believe with her that God is ordaining her adoption, that He orchestrates His will, that He knows all things. Feed her with confidence and reassurance, even if she doesn't seem to need it.
12. Ask. If you don't understand the process or what she's going through, ask. Ask how she's doing. How its going. How she feels. If she has any information on her child? (HINT: we LOVE to talk and dream about our child way more than talk about the paperwork headache).
13. Take an interest in the culture or country of her future child. (if international)
14. NEVER ask about the child's first family. Instead ask about the child's height, weight, personality, interests, language, eye color, and all their beautiful features. Ask to see a photo.
15. And finally, don't stop supporting your friend until her child is home. In some cases the adoption process can take years, and we don't have our 'pregnancy' growing out in the open for people to remember. We live in an out-of-sight, out-of-mind culture, and very unintentionally people can forget."
Love it Karen, thank you!!
This kind of goes along with #8; I thought of offering to take the family's kids for a day so the parent's can spend a huge junk of uninterrupted time working on the mountain of paperwork that must be goes along with adopting. I hear it's gargantuan. (And make sure they take a break and go get a coffee, or lunch together.)
If you have any other idea's I'd love to hear them!
Every now and then I post a way that we can all help out, but when my beloved friend Karen made a list on her blog of ways we can support adopting families I really wanted to post it here. karen is a mother of three, her youngest bean was adopted from Ethiopia, so she knows the realities of adopting. As one of my nearest and dearest friends goes through this process I find myself reading this list and seeing how I can help my lovely Coulombe family. (In fact, Tay, maybe you shouldn't read this as it will give all my upcoming moves away.) :-)
Here are Karen's thoughts...
"1. Mail a card with a nice handwritten note of congratulations--virtually free, loving, supportive, a beautiful gesture.
2. Buy a onsie, booties, hairbow, baseball glove, or photo frame and leave it on the porch or deliver it in person with a celebratory note.
3. Have your children draw a new family photo for the expectant family--my neighbor did this for me and I put that picture on display during our process and it made me so happy whenever I looked at it.
4. Pray for them a lot, and let them know you are praying. This is SO encouraging and SO needed. There is an insane amount of warfare surrounding adoption.
5. Bring them a meal and/or comfort food "just because."
6. Listen. When they tell you fears, listen and nod. When they say its hard, listen and nod. It doesn't mean they regret adopting, it means they are growing in trust and are choosing to be vulnerable with you, including you in their worries. If you try to talk them out of these fears or make them feel bad for having fears, they'll probably still have fears, except have no safe place in which to share them.
7. Throw a shower or offer to donate to their adoption expenses. The reality is, adoption costs anywhere from $10,000 to $30,000 (and in some cases $40,000). Yes, we chose to spend and invest our money this way, but that is a heck of a lot of money that most adoptive families don't even come close to having.
8. Give a date night. The adoption process can have peaks and valleys, and if you notice your friend is in a valley, offer to watch her other kids so she can have a night of FUN with her hubby.
9. Distract her. Take her out, look at art, enjoy a speaker, watch a movie, read a book, help her pass the time as she waits.
10. Text, Email, Call. The worst that will happen is she wont pick up or reply. The best outcome is you pursued her and she knows it and feels loved and supported.
11. Believe. Believe with her that God is ordaining her adoption, that He orchestrates His will, that He knows all things. Feed her with confidence and reassurance, even if she doesn't seem to need it.
12. Ask. If you don't understand the process or what she's going through, ask. Ask how she's doing. How its going. How she feels. If she has any information on her child? (HINT: we LOVE to talk and dream about our child way more than talk about the paperwork headache).
13. Take an interest in the culture or country of her future child. (if international)
14. NEVER ask about the child's first family. Instead ask about the child's height, weight, personality, interests, language, eye color, and all their beautiful features. Ask to see a photo.
15. And finally, don't stop supporting your friend until her child is home. In some cases the adoption process can take years, and we don't have our 'pregnancy' growing out in the open for people to remember. We live in an out-of-sight, out-of-mind culture, and very unintentionally people can forget."
Love it Karen, thank you!!
This kind of goes along with #8; I thought of offering to take the family's kids for a day so the parent's can spend a huge junk of uninterrupted time working on the mountain of paperwork that must be goes along with adopting. I hear it's gargantuan. (And make sure they take a break and go get a coffee, or lunch together.)
If you have any other idea's I'd love to hear them!
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