Wait, what?

Tonight I handed Troy off to Mark for a minute so I could go say goodnight to Addison. When I came back out, about 2 minutes later, Troy was gone.

Me: Where's the baby?
M: In bed.

----pause for dramatic effect ---------

Me: What? (mouth gaping) You put him to bed?
M: Yeah. Is that not what you wanted me to do?
Me: So he's in his crib?
M: Um, yes. Should I not have done that?
Me: And he's not crying?
M: I don't hear him.
Me: Well, I think I should go in there because I'm sure he's waiting for me to nurse him. And he's probably pissed.

I went into his room positive I was going to see Troy sitting in bewilderment wondering why I had abandoned him at bedtime and denied him mama's milk. When I opened the door I couldn't really see him sitting up, so I quickly walked to his crib to rescue him from a most assured state of utter shock.

He was sound asleep. Sound. Asleep.

I was not prepared for this! I know it seems so silly, like, shouldn't I be celebrating because now it's a proven fact that someone other than me can put him to bed for the night? But really my heart hurt a little. It made me a little sad that he totally went to bed without that last feeding, without me swaying him while he plays with my hair, without me whispering "Jesus loves you and he's here to protect you. Peace." as I lay him down, without ME. For nine and a half months I've been the last person who holds him, sings to him, loves on him. And while I am really happy that Mark can be that person now too, I think I really cling to that sweet feeling of being Troy's lifeline and it's a sobering feeling when it become really obvious that season is over. Troy is absolutely beyond the point of needing me to survive, and that truth is really starting to sink in.

(Insert heavy sigh.)

Little man is growing up. Yay for him!! (But a little achy for me).

Comments

Wendy said…
Sarah... this post is so sad. I mean, it is exciting but so sad. Your writing sets a tone for your mood and it feels heavy hearted. I hope that feeling goes away soon. Think of all the other things you will be able to get done and do when it is Mark's turn to put sweet Troy to bed. :)
And, I think it is interesting that the night before you start such a big task of potty training Addie, Troy hits this milestone too. Big steps for your kiddos. And then Ben starts school in Aug!!!! Ahhh... they are going to be teeneagers before you know it!
8:11 AM
sfitz said…
It does sort of sound depressing, doesn't it? My kids growing up is such a happy/sad thing, such a mixed emotion! But really, in the grand scheme of things, it's much more happy then sad, much more.
8:21 AM
Anonymous said…
I can totally relate! about a month ago Tim started putting Isaac to sleep. I usually nurse him and then pass him off to Tim. At first it would make me so sad because i love having those last moments with him and being able to sing all of mine uuhh i mean HIS favorite good night songs. Now it is a special time for him and Tim and sometimes i will still put him to sleep and then Tim is all bummed that he fell asleep nursing or in my arms. it's crazy how fast he is growing up and you put it perfectly about how he doesn't need you to survive (which he still really does) :( I guess it's time for another one :)
4:37 PM
Anonymous said…
Sniff, sniff... I agree with Wendy. It is sad but exciting. He is such a great baby to love on and hold on to. I feel how much you'd hate to miss those last moments before he drifts off to sleep. Don't worry, I think you'll have lots more years to have that special experience. Hope day 1 of potty training Addie went well. I shopped for little girl underwear for her today :) Mom
5:42 PM
Lolly Caruana said…
now for some fun date-nights without worrying about Troy-boy!!! :)
8:04 AM
Wendy said…
So true Lol! I see a Transformers 2 date night in all of our futures!
8:20 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Quick Update

Image
We have been in Idaho just a few days shy of 7 months. That's over HALF a YEAR, people. MUCH has changed. Our daily routine? Changed. Weekend plans? Changed. People we call when we're in a jam? Changed. How we're being fed spiritually? Changed. (But not TOTALLY, because we are still being fed hearty meals from the truth of God's Word, only our "server" has changed, essentially). How we function as a family? Changed. Everything has changed.  Half a year in a new land, with new people, and a new EVERYTHING will change you. And we are okay with that. Matter of fact, we're better than okay! We scorched our way through a brutal, smoke filled August, and we are GOOD! We tip-toed into the school year in new schools, with new teachers, and new everything , and we are good! A couple kids even won awards! (She's one ...  the oldest was another, but conveniently ducked the camera >insert eye roll<). We mercifully made new frien...
Read more

My New Language

Image
My teen challenged me to a game of ping pong. Easy enough, one might think, but this particular teen has been playing for YEARS against GOOD players (my mother-in-law is a champ!). Not to mention his muscles are twice the size of mine and he's a least - dare I admit this - a solid three inches taller than I, probably four. He was so sweet when he asked, and I couldn't remember the last time he had, so of course I said yes. From the beginning he knew he could beat me. He is stronger, faster,  *sigh*  taller , and more skilled. So he, sweet thang that he is, played with his weaker hand, which honestly isn't saying much because the boy is straight up ambidextrous . He was still beating me. So he got on his knees. I kid you not. He put one hand behind his back and he. played. on. his. knees . Aaaaaaaaaand he still beat me. It probably didn't help that I was laugh/crying the entire time. He thinks it was because I was having the time of my life, and I WAS! But r...
Read more

The Post About School

Image
Our family has partially or full time homeschooled for eight years. And, getting really technical, if you think of the years per kid, that's 22 years of homeschooling ! I think it's safe to say we are homeschool fans. Our decision to homeschool, initially, came from three factors: 1. Mark is a big proponent of using time wisely, and neither of us were thrilled with the use of time in our local schools. 2. We don't vaccinate, which wasn't a big deal in the beginning because BACK THEN we could just sign a waiver and it was no biggie. Then CA went all - well, Californiaish- and basically it became impossible for us to legally enroll our kids in a public school. 3. What brought homeschooling to our attention was when a family brought us a meal after Mia was born, and in walked this 8 year old boy who was kind, polite, helpful, genuine, respectful, patient, and more. I asked the mom, "Where does this kid go to school? He is incredible! What are you doing??...
Read more