Open My Eyes!

I have been feeling such overwhelming sadness lately. In fact, this is a rather hopeless and depressing post for me to write - quite a change from the usual, but it's what's on my heart. To me, there seems to be a heavy cloud covering us, enveloping us in a sickening fog. I feel like the earth is falling apart, figuratively and literally. Decades-long wars, starvation, economic meltdowns, corrupt leaders, AIDS, natural disasters, wars no one wants to be fighting and wars maybe no one should be fighting. I'm sad for America and what we've become to so many: a laughing stock, an enemy, a bully, a weak link. A couple of times lately when I'm out and about and I meet someone in their late 80's or so, I like to ask them what they think about America now and each time with their eyes downcast they sigh and shake their heads, probably remembering what we were, and say something like, "well it's not what it used to be". We're going down hill and everyone knows it. Even I, a stay-at-home-mom without a TV, can tell that things aren't right in the world.
I'm sad because I feel like we're almost completely products of our geographic location; where we are born largely determines who we are and what we become.
I'm sad because there are millions of people who are born into such extreme poverty which goes on to define them for the rest of their lives, not because of something they did but because of their location. I'm sad because for the first time in a long time I look at places closer to home, like south-central LA and Santa Ana and I don't see how it can be changed, which essentially means I look and don't see any hope. Do you know how sad that is for me? No government agenda, no bailout, no 12 step program or food stamp or halfway house is going to completely eradicate the problem and help these people get off the streets and into jobs and into families that aren't killing each other. I know that I know that I know there are wonderful people out there doing good, even great things for the poor and the marginalized. People's lives can be changed, individuals can overcome the odds and find that job that provides the food that feeds the family. I know there are those amazing stories of radical transformations, but right now, right where I'm at, I don't see it. From my admittedly narrow little view of the world I don't see enough change. And I know all the "Christian" answers to how I'm feeling. I know that this is all biblical, we're living in the end times, that these things have to happen to fulfill prophecies, that our hope is in Christ alone, that this is why we are joyful about salvation, that we have the hope of heaven. But here in this moment when I think about everything, all of it, the whole world all the way down to the tiny neighborhood I live in, I just feel so overwhelmed and sad. I'm getting lost in the vastness of the problems, and I can't see through the muck right now. It's so heavy and gross and burdensome.

These thoughts are stemming from one song we sang tonight at church which has a line from Isaiah 6:3 in it:

"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."


The line, "the whole earth is full of his glory" made me what to stand up and scream, "I'm missing it! I WANT TO SEE YOUR GLORY, LORD!" If the earth is full of it right now, I want my blinded eyes to see! And if it's talking about things to come, then BRING IT, Lord!

I am beyond thankful that I don't feel consumed by the muck very often. And at the end of the day our King is victorious, amen? Amen.