Thoughts?
I have this parenting dilemma, albeit a small one, and I just don't know what I should do. Sometimes I wonder if I care too much about the little things and should let stuff go, or if I should stick to what I said no matter what and enforce every single thing. For example: I've really been trying to crack down on the amount of toys laying around the house. In an effort to do this I've tried to be more diligent about having them pick up the toys they're done playing with before they move onto something else. Seems reasonable. But 9 out of 10 times what happens is I'll see they've left the Legos for the blocks so I'll tell them to go back and put the Legos away first, but then they end up playing with the Legos again and not really putting away anything. A lot of times I will say, "guys, you were done playing with those Legos, put them away so you can play with the blocks." And Ben, smarty pants, will say, "Mom I am putting them away. See? I'm building a dump truck to carry them to the bin". And of course Addison chimes in with a "Me too". At this point its hard for me to follow through and make them put away the Legos because they're playing so nicely I don't want to break that up. But I did tell them to clean up their toys. So what do I do? Do I stop the playing and make them clean up or do I just let it go, be thankful that they're playing so well, and figure we'll just have a couple of mass cleaning sessions throughout the day? What do you with your kids?
Comments
I would definitely be careful about follow through on what you request, though. If Ben says he's working on putting the lego's away by some creative means, then it's reasonable for you to think they should all be picked up within 5 minutes. So you can tell him if it's not done in 5 minutes then he'll need to stop what he's doing and just pick up, or whatever it is. Good luck, Mama!
By the way... obviously this is Kris, not Kurt! :)
So, what I ended up doing, was letting the kids know that there was an issue that we all had to work on to find a solution for and that I wasn't quite sure the best way to handle it. Then I offered my initial suggestions and asked them for theirs and explained that if this didn't work, then we would make adjustments as we went along. Kids, even at a very young age, especially ones that are as precocious as yours, can understand, appreciate, and respect the process. It's great training for the rest of their lives, as well. So, in other words, if you try something and it doesn't work, you don't look like you are being a flake if you change things, and at the same time, you don't feel forced into enforcing a rule that doesn't quite work and then risk looking like an inflexible, irrational mom in your kids eyes, ultimately loosing a bit of their respect with either choice. This technique works with many issues. The words, "Kids, I think I've changed my mind..." can be a powerful parenting tool.
I have also found that admitting that I have made mistakes can do wonders as well. I have many memories of making decisions in the heat of the moment, and then going back to one or both of the kids and letting them know that I am sorry and that I made a mistake. Sometimes, when the consequence I had enforced for an unacceptable behavior was too harsh, or I had gone overboard, I went back and apologized, then explained my behavor and then told them what I thought a more appropriate consequence would be. They would light up like sunshine...so appreciative that I had given more thought (often more RATIONAL thought) to the situation. It showed them that I was human, and also that I cared enough to re-evaluate when I thought I was wrong. I still apologize for things that I did years ago and tell them how I wish I would have done things differently. While that may not have the same benifits now that it might have had back at the time, my hope is that it will help with the parenting of their own children. Ask Justin about the red tennis shoe story when you see him! :)
As far as the specifics of the toy situation, of course, I had a similar issue with the kids. After trial and error, we ended up working it out that they could play with whatever they wanted, as long as they were all cleaned up before they were allowed to go outside or each lunch or watch a video or go to bed at night.
One night, after I had reminded the kids to start picking up their toys because it was almost time to start getting ready for bed, I overheared Justin telling Matt that I would probably forget about it and that he didn't need to pick up his toys. The deal was that if they went to bed without picking up their toys, then I would wake them up before I went to bed and they would have to pick up their toys then. Well, that night, I waited until they were both asleep and peeked into their rooms. Of course, the toys were not picked up. So, I lovingly went in and gently woke both of their little butts up and had them pick up their toys. Needless to say, they both picked up their toys from that night forward. LOLOL!! My kids cracked me up...they still do!
*Good luck*
the other point i'm gonna make, and take this for what its worth, i've found i ROUTINELY underestimate my children's knowledge and comprehension of issues. they are SMART cookies and they KNOW what they are doing!! FWIW.
you are a great mom!! not sure if this is a point you should lay down on or not??
make clean up fun!! i usually set the timer and that tends them out of 'play' mode and into 'clean up' mode. and it helps if there's a treat at the end. :) lol!!
And Lol, really? Toby Mac??? Awesome! I will pull that out and think of you. :-)