I Can't Walk on Water

We've already established that I'm no Jesus. So it should be of no surprise that this mothering thing can be quite difficult at times. I feel like I'm treading water trying to figure out how to get it all done. Anyone out there like the feeling of drowning? No?

We've started the whole "Big Kid" schedule, which is what happens when you have a big kid I guess. On one hand it's cool because I get to say things like "No you can't - - - -, it's a school night", but on the other hand I have meetings and classes and appointments and places to be and consequences if I'm not there (or not there on time, sorry Ben). It's not that Ben has to be places, it's that I need to get him there AND three other little ones in tow. I don't want to start using the four as an excuse as to why my life feels chaotic, but sometimes...

Part of me would really like to just move to the country and homeschool my kids and live without any kind of schedule. "But there IS schedule in the 'real word'!" I know, I know.

I know.

I just feel a little overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I have to do and be.

I feel like I've been leaving my kids with other people way more than I'd like to be.

I feel a constant pressure to sign up, volunteer, join in, step up... which means I'll have to leave my kids even more.

I feel like people who don't think raising children and training their hearts is a ministry are sadly mistaken.

I feel like I need a massage.

BUT... before this takes a little turn down "Complaining Lane" I will say that I can see the Lord forming a new community around me through the people at Ben's school. For that I am excited and thankful! I know this time is an adjustment period, so I'm just praying praying praying that the Lord will highlight for me who HE wants me to be in order to further His kingdom.

Comments

Wendy said…
I know that this is probably not the thing that should have stuck out to me to comment on... but I will go get a massage with you! Love you, you awesome mama of 4 :)
3:41 PM
Anonymous said…
Hang in there. You don't have to be 'in control' or everything....that's why HE is there. Do your best, enjoy the journey, leave the destination up to God. Get all the rest you can when you can. When you are all rested up, then stay up late, have fun, party on down. But rest up again....and get your eye checked....please make it a priority....how can I help? I love you! You are GREAT...this too shall pass. dad
7:43 PM
Jessica said…
Like you said it is an adjustment and you will get there. You won't always do it perfectly but just remember what a great opportunity it is for God's grace to shine so bright in our lives when we try our best and still fail. And even more for Ben to learn that mommy needs grace too. Lady, you are doing 'round the clock ministry! Keep up the good work and good faith!
2:15 PM
Lolly Caruana said…
Resist the temptation to meet everyone's needs. 2 Timothy 2:4 says, "no soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier." Keep yourself free to do the work that God wants you to do. The Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth. He knows what you should do. Ask Him for wisdom and He will give it to you freely, without reproach--but when you ask, be ready and expect His answer, lest you be double-minded and tossed about by the wind. Love you, sister.
7:20 PM
sfitz said…
THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the sweet encouraging words!! Today was so much better, so much free-er. So thankful for each of you.

And Wendy, the massage is a MUST.
8:48 PM
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