Oh the Bliss!

How can I ever move ?

It's really quiet at my house. Too quiet. Like, "have I lost some children?" quiet. In fact I HAVE lost some children, 66.7% of my brood is gone for 3.5 days. How'd we swing that, you ask? The amazing Papa and Gma (Mom and Dad Fitzpatrick) along with the ever fantastic sis-n-law Amy are running Camp Papa-Gma this week in Simi Valley. Sunday we said goodbye to Ben, Addison, Troy and Mia and drove home in a very, very quiet car. Here are some things I'm noticing during their absence... ~ Less dishes. (Yay!) ~ Gabe is the equivalent of a little lost puppy. (Boooooo!) ~The couch cushions and pillows are exactly where I left them when I leave the room and return. ~ Norah is unfazed. ~ My quiet time with the Lord is lengthy. . . and quiet. :) ~ Bedtime routine takes about 3minutes, max. ~ Mark and I have really good conversations in the car because we can actually hear each other. (Speaking of car... I am getting anxious for our next vehicl...

Can I just start by saying IT'S A GIRL!!!!!! Whaaaaaaaaaaat??!?!?!?! I did NOT see that coming! Well, actually I did, for about 7 months, then BAM months 8 and 9 rolled around and I was so certain it was a boy I brought only boy clothes to the hospital. My basketball stomach screamed "It's a boy!" and EVERYONE told me it was going to be a boy; the old ladies at Trader Joe's, the nurses who saw me during my false labor, the ladies at the nail place, my doctor even guessed boy. (Oh wait, she also guessed I'd be two weeks early...) So it was beyond exciting when the baby came out and, sure enough, our girl was born.  I woke up early that Saturday morning, two days past my due date, with the same ol' pains I'd been having for weeks. Except they weren't the same. They were intense every time, and took my breath away. During a contraction I was convinced I needed to be at the hospital, but as soon as it was over I was totally fine and figured it was...

  I want my children to eat, sleep, and breathe these verses.   There is SUCH a need for these to be reinforced over and over  and I'm taking the summer to do just that. We will memorize, reward, discipline, encourage, and love these words.  I'm tempted to paint them, in the largest lettering I can muster, all over the walls of our house. They are rich, beautiful, truthful words. When obeyed, they will not disappoint.  I will pray these verses over them while they sleep. Mark will talk about them over dinner . . . what does lovely, admirable, excellent, praise worthy mean? How can words build someone up? How can what we say benefit those who listen? My own words are falling on deaf ears.  I am winded. But the Word of the Lord stands forever (Is. 40:8), and speaks for itself.  I am so thankful for the rest teaching God's words offers a tired me! 

Tomorrow is my actual due date. The real one. The one that's been looming in my head for the last 9 months. June 27th. I never imagined I would be sitting here, on my couch, without a newborn keeping me company right now. Then again, I never imagined having a newborn again period, so I guess this is really par for the course. Saturday, halfway through church, I started counting my contractions and thought FOR SURE it was the real deal. We even left in the middle of Pastor Mike's closing prayer. My parents grabbed their still-cooking dinner and drove down. My in-laws, who had Ben with them, left their dinner/swim party and drove down. They were ready! The kids were ready! Mark and I were ready! The baby was not ready. "You'll be back in a couple of hours" the nurses sweetly reassured me. A full four days later, I'm sitting here, sans tiny newborn.  It's kind of comical because I was so absolutely sure I'd deliver early. I even joked with ...

I feel overdue. This is not a justified feeling, however, because I'm not technically due until June 27th . But my sweet OB, whom I love and adore, told me two weeks ago she didn't think I'd go past Father's Day. Tomorrow is Father's Day. There is no sign this baby is coming, except the nightly contractions that rob me of three or four hours of sleep. Even though I still have 12 more days until my medical due date my mental due date is tomorrow. I LOVE my OB, but the only predictions she should make on when baby will be born is right on time, or late. Never early. It plays mental games on the credulous. That being said... I can't believe I'm about to have a baby! Six kids doesn't really throw me, what throws me is thinking about the fall when I'll have two at school and I'll still have four kids at home. (I practice my breathing techniques when that thought comes to mind.) Thats when I think, yeah, I have a lot of kids. I love having all my ...

Crucifixion and Resurrection                      ~The Valley of Vision O LORD, I marvel that thou shouldst become incarnate,    be crucified, dead, and buried. The sepulcher calls forth my adoring wonder,     for it is empty and thou art risen;     the four-fold gospel attests it,     the living witnesses prove it,    my heart's experience knows it. Give me to die with thee that I may rise to new life,    for I wish to be as dead and buried to sin,        to selfishness, to the world;            that I might be delivered from his lusts. O Lord, there is much ill about me - crucify it,                           much flesh within me -  mortify it. Purge me from selfishness,             ...

My last little post on Tristan was a winner, thanks for all the love friends! I think it was all the super stealth-like pictures of him. (Mark noted what he learned from that post was that "not allowed to post pictures of him" really means "not allowed to post pictures of his eyes." So I took a little liberty with the no photos rule... can you blame me?) I wrote that post really, really quickly, like in 3.7 minutes. I want to go back and expound on the whole adoption thing. I think it came across as an announcement of sorts and may have surprised people whom we didn't tell in person. To me it wasn't so much of an announcement because it's something we've kind of figured for a while now. Our family has always been looking to adopt him, and the longer we've gone without bio-family contact the more we figured adoption was a go. What solidified that assumption was a conversation I had with his social worker saying she was going to ask the judge to ...

THIS BOY!!!!! Because of legal stuff with Tristan not exactly being "ours" I'm not allowed to post pictures or videos of him online. This is a challenging rule for me to follow! Especially when I see LOADS of other people posting pics of their little darlings like it's their job, and I can't one up them with my outrageously ADORABLE baby boy. It's humbling really. :) Little t (not to be confused with T, or Tman, which has rightfully belonged to Troy for 4.5 years), is growing perfectly. He is a happy, content, easy-peasy, sweet boy -almost all of the time, but nobody is perfect, right? When done correctly , he falls asleep in about 37 seconds. It's a thing of beauty. (Should I not post this picture? I'm I going to get CPS called on me due to the amount of loose blankets in his crib? Yikes!!) He is eating like a champ. He sits, rolls, grabs, rocks on his knees and is seconds away from crawling. And he laughs. Does this boy laugh! Eve...

Have I ever told the story of Unfortunate Joe? No?  Please note: the following takes place pre-Mark. Picture me, circa 2001, sitting at a coffee shop wearing black Jack Purcells , reading Jack Kerouac, listening to Jimmy Eat World, feeling super emo and super cool. I was a hipster before hipsters were hipsters. Enter, aside from my own husband of course, the most gorgeous young man ever to step foot in a Diedrich Coffee. Also wearing black Jack Purcells, the young man walks straight over to the group I'm with, sits down across from me and gives me his favorite lyric from Bleed American . ** Swoon** His name was Joe.  He was a model.  And allllll the ladies pretty much fell over themselves trying to get his attention.  (Not me, of course, I would never do such a thing. Really I wouldn't. I have never in my life been labeled "boy crazy". Not ever.)  SOMEHOW Joe ended up asking me out on a date. (Read: he had an extra ticket to a show, just ne...

It's been a month since I've written, so you know. . . that feels wrong. Here are some pics to fill in the gaps, and I hope to write, actually write, really soon.  She turned 6. SIX I TELL YOU! And she turned 3. THREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!                                       And that about sums it up. More later, I promise. :)

"I feel weighted down by the ugly of this world" my exact quote to a friend yesterday. I am tempted beyond belief to wallow in this. So today I will write about poop. Because nothing is funnier when you're feeling crappy than to talk about, well, crap. Tristan is 5 months old and poops on the toilet about 94.4% of the time. He's done this for over two months now. It's really quite nice as I hardly change a dirty diaper. When we were in Big Bear it was great because we had to keep all the trash and take it to the "designated dumpsters" in town, and stinky diapers would've really been a bummer to hang onto for a week. Just the other day his babysitter asked if he ever poops because she'd never changed a dirty diaper, pretty cool eh?  I didn't read a book or listen to a podcast or hear of some hippie clan doing this and set out to potty train my 3 month old. It just kind of happened. I wasn't even going to mention it on a blog because it...

I want to write fun things... Like about being pregnant for the fifth time and how that just might turn into the biggest bundle of blessing ever. I want to write about Big Bear and the awesome memories. About Christmas and how Mark wasn't sick. About Ben turning eight and how he's now one year closer to the age of 35 - his true age. I want to write Part 2 of Working Mom. And I want to write about life and all it's wonderful bliss and glory. But I can't. All I can think about is Tori Linda.  I know I'm not her best friend, but I'm a best friend of her big sister. I'm not the one she calls when she has a secret or a new song to share, in fact I don't think she's ever called me. But I remember the day she was born. She probably doesn't know the name of my kids, and I don't know the name of her dog, but I know the significance of her name, and the name of her favorite basketball team and what music she listens to on Spotify. And I know th...

Just last week I had the SO FUN (and kind of random) opportunity of talking with four sweet mommy friends at different times and places (and texts) and all of us pretty much said same thing; we're trying really hard to get to the heart of parenting and simplify our lives so we can give a clear representation of Jesus to our children. While that sentence makes it sound basic and pretty and tied up in a sweet little bow the reality of that desire is rather laborious, time consuming, humbling, and a lot of times exhausting. But instead of leaving those conversations burdened or disappointed I left spurred on and excited! We have been given this gift, this blessing - not the worldly view of blessing as luck, but a God spoken blessing. It is an honor to have this job. And in the squabble breaking, whine banning, and another drink of water giving we get to show Jesus's heart, character, love, grace and yes, discipline to these precious gifts. When my kid spills his cup of milk ag...

 Have I mentioned how proud I am of the creative marketing team at Fitzpatrick + Prince Real Estate?   My husband, the uber talented and ultimate entrepreneur Mark Fitzpatrick, has been blessed with some pretty incredible videographers, editors and marketing gurus over at FPRE. And when they all come together beautiful and innovative marketing videos are made. You may remember this award winning video.... Nice stuff, eh? I think a lot of real estate groups do videos, some even do good ones, but NONE of them - try as they may - meet this caliber of professionalism, artistry, and killer marketing skills. Of course, I might be a little biased. Or maybe I'm not. After seeing the above video representatives from Pretend City  wanted FPRE to create a short video that would be shown at their Fundraising Gala. Something that would capture the beauty, and necessity, of children playing and playing pretend. The creative marketing team came up with this, and I don't think,...

Late Saturday night, at the women's retreat a few weekends ago, some friends and I were sitting around a table stuffing our faces, I mean - politely nibbling on some outrageously delicious food, when a gal in our gang noticed one of our friends had left and not returned. Her bag was there, cell phone, food, everything, but she was not. No biggie, we kept eating, but the minutes passed and she didn't come back, so we kind of started looking around for her, stretching our necks this way and that, but didn't see her anywhere. Soon we started checking bathrooms, our room, any other room we thought she might be in. She's a super cute, petite, Filipino chick and I was beginning, just beginning, to think something had happened. We walked up and down, in and out of halls and doorways looking and asking about her, but she just wasn't anywhere. We were  this close to lighting torches, linking arms, and calling the National Guard when lo and behold there was our friend, just...

~ Watching the girls make their commercial debut and cracking up at Mia's "happy" and "sad" faces. I can't wait for it to be finished so I can show everyone! ~ Ben making pumpkin muffins for the family pretty much all on his own. I was blessed by him so many times this week... he is such a cool kid. :) ~ Being blessed by a dear friend who took the "room mom" reigns while I was super sick and pulled together last minute details for me. ~ Discovering ways Tristan looks or acts like members of our family. He hates to have his feet covered and always finds a way to get them to stick out of everything, just like Mark. He sneezes really loud, like my dad. He has a gigantic smile, like Troy. ~ Running into a friend in the parking lot of Trader Joe's just after a challenging phone call regarding visitations with T's mom. I am still blown away at God's sweet gifts to his children and I count that meeting as one of them because of ALL...

No shock here, foster care is difficult. It's a roller coaster of emotions. I saw the roller-coaster, I chose to get on the roller-coaster - twice, even - and now right now, in this moment, I'm not really loving the roller-coaster. I never know who to cheer for  - his mom when she has victories, or us when we do. One day I'm renaming him and the next day I'm packing his bags. Up and down, up and down I go. I was sitting across from her last week, watching her hold my, no her, (maybe our?) baby and I was kind of fuming. I really was. I felt like crossing my arms and huffing and puffing something about how easy she has it, just showing up to hold a cute baby for two hours, while I'm exhausted from being up three times a night with him, washing and refilling his bottles all day. . . I really - in my grossly sinful self - wanted to let her have it. And a truth speaking friend texted me...  " Do nothing from  selfish ambition or  conceit, but in  humilit...