Oh the Bliss!

Have you ever said to your kids, "I bet you'd take better care of your toys if you only had one."? I've said that countless times, but I shall say it no more! I was talking with my older boys last night and telling them how disappointed I was in everyone's attitudes yesterday, including my own, and explaining that how we had acted was not who God wants us to be. That scary, selfish, yelling mommy? Nope, not who God made me. But I was finding myself acting out of those characteristics more often than living out the qualities God has graciously given for me to live in because of the Holy Spirit living in me. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control... I was hardly showing any fruits of the Spirt in my parenting which is incredibly tragic. What's my deal? What is it that triggers the wrath of Monster Mom? Mess. Everywhere. Mess. TICKS. ME. OFF. Clearly I failed in teaching the concept of cleaning up after ones self ...

What is UP with wheat field pictures???? Good grief, they are everywhere. People get engaged, BAM! Let's lay in a wheat field and snap some shots. People get married, WHAM! What's more romantic than frolicking in some dry brush? Album cover needed for your break out solo career? Nothing says, "I play really good music" like a portrait taken in tall grass and shrubbery. (Throw in some feathers and you're sure to have a hit.) Oh I know, (last one I promise), let's put a couch in the middle of the wheat field and get the whole family to pose like this is totally normal because doesn't EVERY family spend their sweet time lounging around in a big ol' sea of golden grain? ***I'm sorry, so so sorry, if you and/or your family have taken such pictures, and/or been the photographer of such. I truly am not trying to make you feel lousy, and I still want you to send me your Christmas cards, I just am ready for the next great photo backdrop.*** I think the rea...

It's been almost three weeks since Nicolas came home to us. Home... I wonder if he feels like it's his home? I don't know, but what I do know is how gracious and merciful our God is. I know many, many people have been praying for him and for us. I know this because he has changed, our hearts have changed, in only ways that God can do. People adapt, get used to things, but God radically changes, and redesigns. Nico claps his hands now. And dances with us during our crazy dance parties. He sleeps almost the entire night without crying out more than a brief moment maybe once. He puts his shoes away where they belong. He comes to me when I call for him, and he clings to me when we are in new places. Those may not seem like a big deal because moms we know live to see their little ones clap their hands. We all flip out and call grandma when the baby points to it's nose on command for the first time. But when you're a baby growing up in an adult world then you don't h...

I wish I could show his picture. He's super cute, with big brown eyes and mismatching ears. He's huge - younger than Mia but the size of Troy. Addie calls him "Honey Bear" which is really rather fitting. Tonight I was holding him in church and as I sang the songs and heard our God's name worshiped I cried, could this be the first time Nico has heard the Lord's name adored and praised instead shouted and cursed? From the moment we got him I've been telling him how important he is, how much Jesus loves him, how needed he is, how precious he is, how safe he is. I'm kind of blown away by it all right now, but I knew I just had to get something down so I wouldn't forget these first feelings. Precious.

Mia got her cast removed yesterday and received a clean bill of (leg) health. (Head, chest, ears, nose... not so clean and healthy.) We went to Frapys to celebrate! It was directly across the street from the doctor's office, so how could we not go? I felt a twinge of guilt bringing my obviously sick brood into the public like that, but there was no one else in the place, due to the lovely rain, and I personally wiped down every surface we touched with germ fighting wipes, then encouraged the bored-out-of-his-mind worker to do the same. Then we went home and the girl took a looooooooooooooooooong HOT bath. Congrats Mia! May you stay cast-free for years to come. :)

I walked into my boys' room and found it a total mess. SO FRUSTRATING to find the pile of clothes that I just folded sprawled across the floor. I wanted to rant about how they obviously have too much stuff if they can't take care of their things. I held it in though (for the most part) because moments earlier I had walked into my own room and saw this : I think that's one of the hardest parts of parenting for me, seeing my own flaws in my kids. When they react the way I do, and not in a good way, I cringe. When they make mistakes and they are the same ones I've been making for years and I want to shake us all up and scream GET IT TOGETHER MAN!! But I don't because they're my flaws and my mistakes too. Recently I had bought into a lie the enemy was telling me that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try with my kids, they will still grow up with issues, and blame me, and secretly think I'm crazy. I love my parents. I think they did a lovely job raising...

(Is it wrong that I'm posting about Mia's birthday before I post about Addison's?) Mia, you turned TWO today. Turning two, in my book, means I get a free-pass on the whole birthday shebang. The first birthday I throw a party for everyone else's sake, and the third birthday (and every birthday after that) you will be well aware of so I have to do something big-ish. But turning two is -and I'm so sorry if this bursts your little two year old bubble- not that big of a deal. You won't remember it at all. So I didn't go crazy trying to make you feel crazy about today. BUT, I did take lots of pictures to document this day so you will have proof that while I didn't bake you a cake - or even have you blow out two candles (what kind of mother am I????) I did really, really care that it was a day that marked the end of quite possibly the cutest year of your life. You received your awesomest present first and you immediately fell in love. Then Troy got super sick a...

Sometimes I think I'm really hard on my kids, one in particular. Lately I've been trying to discern what is really important and what is really not that big of a deal as far as issues to take up with them. More and more I think about my own parents and how I think they were really good at knowing the difference between heart issues and surface issues. I got my belly button pierced and wore really really dark lipstick and gigantic hoop earrings. I'm sure they thought it was the most disgusting, stupidest thing to do, but they didn't make a fuss. Jason got tattoos and they didn't go on and on about it. Darren, wait Darren was perfect... Just kidding! I'm sure Darren did some stuff too they could've harped on for days but instead they realized there were greater things at stake in our lives than whether or not my lipstick was a light enough shade or my shoes were tied with a keyring. Some things they did care about; the words that came out of our mouths was a b...

It finally happened, a cast has been placed on one of the Fitz-kids. Mia, of course. She'd already had a rough day, by noon she had a goose egg in the middle of her forehead because she ran from me instead of to me when I called for her and she smacked her head on a wooden beam on Ben's bed. That's what we like to call a "natural consequence". Then, minutes before I needed to walk out the door for my CPR certification class, Mia fell off the couch. And she cried. This cry was different. It was a "I broke a bone" cry. This cry kept her/me up most of the night. In the morning I knew I needed to take her to see a doctor but I wasn't sure to where. The pediatrician didn't have an x-ray machine, urgent care couldn't cast it if it needed it, so a friend suggested I go straight to a pediatric orthopedic doctor, so that's what we did. It took half the morning for me to figure that out. The other half of the morning was spent at the DMV waiting ...

I've got a good blog a brewin'... it's about the funk I was in last week when I was all doom and gloom and whoa is me. But then I went to church - collective sigh ahhhhhhhhhhhh - and our pastor, conveniently enough, was just starting a 9 week series titled "Encouraged" based off of Romans 15-16. And guess what? I was. So I want to blog about that and more. And if you, or someone you love, needs to hear some Truth and be encouraged then I encourage you ( heh heh heh.. .) to come to Compass Bible Church and be fed. Or you can watch online . Or you can listen via podcast. So many ways to catch this gem of a series! But do catch it. God's word is so good, and more than able to pull me out of a Debby -downer funk. In the meantime, I know how ya'll love your pics-fix. Here's a photo the awesome Hannah took, and I thought it was lost fo-eva but I found it in some random desktop file. Isn't it SO CUTE???????? An oldie but goodie... My girls, my girls! Oh...

The Best Gift Winner in my book is ME because I gave Addison the most awesmest brush in the world! What's that? An awesome brush? Yes. It's awesome because it holds secret magical untangling powers. I don't know how it does it but it does. It boasts of it's awesome de-tangling powers, calling itself the Knot Genie , which is a daring thing to do unless your product really works. It really works! I saw this little beauty on a favorite website of mine, Zulily , where I got a great deal. Addison tries very hard not to complain while I do her hair, but the tangles she gets sometimes are out of this world, so I know it's not feeling good when I'm brushing. Pretty much every time I brush her hair is ended with, "I do NOT like it when you brush my hair." Which I was fine with because I have a feeling, compared to other hair-brushing battles I've heard of, her reaction is pretty mild. But I did want to do something to help my poor, rat slept in, dreadlock...

Ben was the first of three surprises. (Addison was the only "Mark and Sarah's" planned child.) It was about 16 hours of labor, the first 10 I "tried" to go without an epidural... I'm no Wendy Wilson people, so got the shot and slept for a few blessed hours. When I woke up I spent 3.5 hours pushing... about 3 hours of which were totally unnecessary - but what did I know? And then he was born... He was born at least 40 years old, just like Mark, so every birthday until then will just be a stepping stone to get him to the age he's really supposed to be. Ben is fantastic, really, I LOVE having a 7 year old Benjamin! He's really enjoyable because he gets super excited about things, and he has the best smile and the brightest eyes and greatest facial expressions. He loves math, and won an award for it last trimester at his school. And he loves Legos. Did I say loves? I meant LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES legos! He is the SWEETEST BROTHER EVER - to Mia. No...

I read this (from a 147 blog ) and it it struck me, so I'm posting it here. "While Katie (Davis) was home we were talking about November being "orphan awareness month". Her response was "there is a month reminding people that there are orphans??!" the look on her face showed that she was SOOOO perplexed. It was a sad reality for me that we have to have a special "Orphan Sunday" for believers to acknowledge all of the orphans in the world." I am SO grateful to live in America and to be an American, but good grief, sometimes the things we Americans do, don't do, or need reminding to do, just gets to me. Sometimes I feel like we. have. no. clue. Like when I get frustrated with my kids because they don't take care of their stuff and I tell them there are children who have nothing and it goes in one ear and out the other because that statement really doesn't register with them. Why would it? Every single person they know has every si...

Addison: Mom, what will you give me if I do nothing wrong for a whole day? Me: Sounds lovely, but it's not possible. Mom and Dad can't even go a whole day without doing one thing wrong, because we are human and we can't be perfect. Do you know who the ONLY person to go, not just one day, but his WHOLE LIFE without doing one thing wrong is? Troy: (raising his hand, of course) Is it ME? Oh Troy... **Incase you were thinking maybe Troy is a good answer, the correct answer is JESUS. 2 Corinthians 5:21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin , so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

My mom is awesome and loves to read and Christmastime was a great way for her to share that love with us kids! I've carried on the Christmas book warm fuzzies by starting a new tradition in my own little family: I buy a new Christmas book (or two) each year - and date it with a lovely Sharpie so I'll remember when it was the book struck my fancy. Here is a little list of some of my favorite Christmas books: (OH! And because I like to abuse my blogging power by plugging adoption/orphan care anytime I can... Did you know that READING to a foster/adopted kid is one of the BEST ways to bond, infant and teenager alike? Well it is! The more you know...) Alrighty, here we go... in no particular order... Who Is Coming To Our House? Super cute little rhyming board book about the animals in the stable getting ready for Mary and Joseph to arrive. We all sing the songs at Christmas, priests and pop-stars do it, but do we know where they come from or why they were written? Stories Behind t...

I was introduced to All Sons and Daughters by the ever awesome Beckey B. and have pretty much fallen in love. I listen to their cd over and over and over, repeat, repeat, repeat... you get the picture. I recognize this is not everyone's type of music, but this song is breathtakingly beautiful because the words are. so. powerful. It's long, and slow, and you won't listen to the whole thing because I know you, and you don't plan on spending more than 1:16.2 minutes (that's 1 minute, 16 seconds and 2 milliseconds) reading a post. I know because I timed myself reading three of mine and averaged them out. :-) (That's not entirely true, I guessed the average because I hate math.) Back to my point... this song is like 6 times the length of time you're willing to spend here, BUT, just for me, because it's December and it's the month of giving, because the 6th is St.Nicholas Day and you want to observe it by giving the gift of time, listen to the entire song...

Me: Troy, you are NOT allowed to scream at the top of your lungs! Troy raises hand to ask a question. T: Am I allowed to scream at the bottom of my lungs? Me: NO. T: What are lungs? Me: Lungs hold air in your body. T: In my booty? God was so gracious with Troy when He formed him. He knew that Troy would struggle with anger and self control and would require lots of heart training and patience. He also knew that Troy would have a mom who is prone to yell, but has a weakness for humor. So God gave Troy super humor strength. The best part of this gift is that it shines in the greatest moments; moments when this mama would otherwise be tempted to scream and shout and throw a fit of her own. I will never forget my very favorite "anger-breaker"... Me: Troy, one day you are going to be accountable for your actions! T: AWESOME! I would LOVE to be a cannon ball!!! Thank you Lord for Troy and his humor. Thank you for his strength and passion. I cannot wait to see how you are going to ...

The kids and I were playing outside on this beautiful fall day when we heard little kids laughing just a few houses down. Ben scoped it out and sure enough the neighbors were out enjoying the day as well. We have lots of kids in our neighborhood, we see them all the time running and riding and laughing, but we have yet to stop and play because of one seemingly major factor: We don't speak the same language. Ben asked if we could walk down and see if they wanted to play and I hesitated for a moment, then remembered this blog I read yesterday and was inspired to step out of my comfort zone. We walked on down and I scrambled to dust the cobwebs off of my three years of high school Spanish. My kids walked up to the other two, a boy and a girl, and they all just stared at each other. Their mother was standing waaaaaaay off so I smiled and waved to her, she smiled and stayed put. Random spanish phrases flew around my head, but I tried to focus. I know where the library is, so "dond...

When I get home from the foster/adopt classes I want to smother my kids with hugs and kisses. I want to let T play with my hair as long as he wants and get back in bed in the mornings so he can come and snuggle with me (something I sacrificed when I started getting up before the kids). I want to listen to Addie tell really long stories that I usually don't have the time to hear the end of. I want to play soccer with Ben, whoever gets to THIRTY wins - instead of whoever gets to five. I want to get down and look Mia in the eyes when I talk with her and hold her every time she says "Hold you mommy!". I go to these classes and I learn about our next child and maybe it was or maybe it wasn't held as a baby. Maybe it had dinner, but probably not, and if it did it most likely came from the minimart down on the corner. I learn about toddlers who hoard food because it's a survival skill they've acquired. T throws a fit and it lasts -at the longest- 5 minutes. I learn ...

My mom works in a lab at big hospital in Fullerton. Every Thursday a group of teenage girls from the local group home come in to get tested for drugs, STD's, pregnancy... the whole shebang. I told my mom to be really nice to these girls because one of them could be my baby's mama. That was a fun-scary-sobbering-exciting-close-to-home thought. I'm sure my mom was super thrilled to think about it like that. :) Thankfully, I know my mom will lean on the verse that she taught me as a child, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid." John 14:27 We know that whatever child we care for will be coming from a majorly less than ideal situation. If a baby is in foster care it's not that the mother is choosing to put it there, it's that the state is taking the baby away. And if the fostering leads to adoption, which is our hope, then the reasons why parental rights...